The Illusion of Control

I woke during the night thinking about how much time and effort we spend on the things we cannot control. 


Trying to be good enough, giving enough so that our families, lovers, children, friends will love us.

Trying to be thin enough or sexy enough, or rich enough that they’ll be attracted to us.

Trying to have the things that make us happy, the job, the promotion, the sex life, the house, the car…


We are sold the illusion that we can control our emotions, that we can control our bodies, that we can control everything. Isn’t that disciplined of us? Isn’t that grown up of us?

And especially that we can control our sexuality.

Can we?


Of course we can. 

Within the confines of the illusion.


So, we pretend that when we are married that we are never attracted to anybody else. We start our diets on a Monday eating without limits over weekends. We ask for a happily ever after that’s a fairy tale, and we believe that we are in control.


But we are not.

Because life happens.

People die. Or get sick. Or fall in love with inappropriate people according to their families, or are attracted to people of their own gender, or someone lies to you or betrays you, or you stop having orgasms, or your erection fails, and life happens.


And this is not what you were told.

And your life becomes emotional, chaotic, painful.


And you feel as if you’ve lost control.

When actually it was never there to begin with.

You become vulnerable


Now, here’s what very few will tell you, for only those who’ve experienced this know the secret.


This is the time of your greatest power.



When Jonti first explained this concept to me, I didn’t completely agree with him! Until I really understood that this is the time when it’s possible to see that it’s about choice, not control. Because this is the time when you are at your most vulnerable.

What do you have a choice about?

You have a choice about how you choose to respond.

That is ALWAYS your choice.


You may not choose the pain.

You may not choose the overwhelming emotions.

You may not choose the anger.

You may believe these emotions are “bad” because of how lousy you feel.


Yet, you still have the most powerful choice.

You choose how to respond.

In that conscious choice lies freedom and power.


Most of us don’t choose consciously.  We just react, instantly. Our patterning kicks in. 


Someone hurts us, we hurt them back

Someone offends us, we react angrily.

Someone betrays us, oh, we plan revenge…

This is just our patterning.


Yet we can change that, do that differently. Patterns are controlled, rigid, unyielding, the same.

Choice is fluid, changing, aware of options, of possibility.


Two of our clients recently wrote about this process for them, of making different choices within vulnerability…


I let waves of emotion wash over me allowing me to connect with my sense of self, my feminine energy. I feel released – like something inside me has changed .It has taken me a long time to allow myself to be vulnerable- it is not an easy thing for me to do, but yesterday I felt very vulnerable and yet it was powerful at the same time.”


“I cried that night because after all these energy centres opening up, I desired so much touch and intimacy and came to the conclusion that I have denied myself love and pleasure through choosing to be in long distance relationships. I felt that, that was a break through for me. This all happened for me on the night after I saw you.


Change is happening in my body, it is deeply spiritual.”


So many of our clients come to us because they’re  in pain.

 Emotional pain, physical pain, sexual pain, heartache.


You can walk into a new awareness, a new consciousness, when you realize that what you think you control, you do not. You let go.


And this is your freedom.

This becomes the furnace for your Phoenix.

This does not mean you throw it all away because you cannot control it.

This means you make different choices, have more options on how you can respond to what life unfolds for you.

Not just a patterned reaction.

An aware, conscious choice, with benefit to you, centered on filling your life with bliss, joy, love and pleasure, so much that you overflow that into those around you.


Control is the illusion.

Choice on response is the reality.

Pleasure has a higher frequency, a more beneficial body response than pain. Can we learn to have more pleasure? Oh yes!

The choice however, is yours.


With gentleness, light and laughter

We wish you SO much pleasure…

Jonti & Anne-Marie


Woman to Woman Yoni Massage

For one month Anne-Marie will be offering a special on woman to woman Yoni Massage. A beautiful, sensual and sometimes quite emotional experience, sharing this experience with all feminine energy is a very new experience for most women.

Yoni Massage often opens up pleasure possibilities for woman including the possibilities of internal orgasm, becoming more clitorally orgasmic and deep uterine (A-Spot) pleasure.

The massage is about pleasure, moving that energy deep within the Yoni and spreading that into the entire body.


The massage is usually R850, for one month you can book this massage with Anne-Marie for R500.

For more details or to book:


We are planning on putting our new workshop schedule together this week, and will have dates for some massage workshops soon.

 (note ADULT content on following site)